Emotional Archeology, Fires and Gunshots

The entire world feels as though it is on fire. This week in my online art journal meet-up the prompt was to go back and explore what we wanted to be when we grew up. When I assigned the prompt we were experiencing blue skies in Portland and thought about my childhood dream of becoming an archeologist. The pandemic was the over arching focus and school was starting. I had wrapped up the studio and was starting to feel like I was coming into a new routine and also feeling excited for teaching again. The 25 mile an hour winds came first. I initially looked at them as blowing away the cobwebs and making room for the new, but then the fires started. The fires have been so devastating here and on the entire west coast. I have sat and looked for ways to support those who had to prepare to leave their homes. Helplessness.

I watched the news and found myself slightly traumatized, remembering our families loss when I was 7 years old and our home burned. I had thought the experience well processed in my own personal work over the years, but watching people sifting through what remained of their homes on the news snapped me back to those feelings of loss and insecurity with intensity. This week the fire fighters seemed to make more ground turning from a defensive approach to an offensive one. The warning to leave homes for some folks I personally knew was rescinded. The threat is still there and the smoke continues to linger leaving our air hazardous to breathe, but the rain is coming. The piece above encapsulates the past and the present. I included some tiny monkeys and a scuba diver swimming in the flames. The eye for all watching us here in Portland and also for all of us watching what is happening in the world. The ominous looking scientist navigates his lab, possibly looking for a vaccine or maybe manipulating all the lines in front of him that make me think of the many statistical graphs I see every day on the news and online measuring death, COVID-19 cases...political gains and losses. He seems powerful and unaffected by the fires around him, familiar huh? In my journal meet-up one of my friends said, "you are an archeologist...an emotional archeologist." It resonated for me in the work that I do with so many.

Two nights ago my spouse and I went to walk the dogs before going to bed. Twenty minutes upon our return home I heard four gun shots outside of our home. I have never experienced the feelings I had at that moment. I froze. The dogs barked and then also froze next to me on the bed. I called the police and waited quietly for my spouse to come upstairs. We waited together staying away from the windows. The police officer told us they found bullet casings on the street near our home, confirming four shots. A number of officers combed the street with flashlights and patrol cars zoomed down the street. It didn't appear that anyone was harmed. This world is in such a state. I am thankful for my spouse and also neighborhood group. Today I am sitting with all the feelings and doing some self-care, towels still blocking smoke at the bottoms of the doors...writing, making more art and waiting for rain.